Quiz Yourself...

•   How Well Do You Fulfill Your Needs?  
•   Are You Living With A "Victim" Mentality?  
•   How Well Do You Take Responsibility For Yourself?  
•   How to Tell if You Are "Too Busy"
•   How Well Do You Manage Stress?
•   Are you a Tech Savvy E-Parent?
•   How Well Do You Cope With Change?
•   How Healthy is Your Self-Esteem?
•   How Well Do You Stay in the Present?

How Well Do You Fulfill Your Needs?

A number of years ago humanistic psychologist Abraham Maslow realized that the foundation for physical and psychological wellness had to do with getting certain needs met. He developed the "Hierarchy of Needs," from which the following quiz is adapted. Answer the questions to determine how well your basic and growth needs are being met.

Physical

1. I get adequate sleep and rest.
2. My basic nutritional needs are met.
3. I have a place to live that provides warmth and shelter and I am physically comfortable.
4. Exercise and recreation needs are met through regular routines and planned activities.
5. My need for sexual expression is fulfilled.

Safety and Security

1. With very few exceptions, I feel secure and safe from harm.
2. There is adequate stability and routine in my life.
3. I experience financial security and a sense of prosperity that isn't based on money.
4. I feel emotionally safe.
5. I can expect consistency and fairness in my daily life.
6. My need for meaningful work is filled.

Love and Belonging

1. I feel loved, important, wanted, valued, and desirable.
2. I am able to love myself as well as others.
3. I have intimate or affectionate relationships with significant others.
4. I have a sense of belonging in my family.
5. I am able to understand others and feel understood by them.
6. I have a few very close friends and a larger circle of other friends and associates.
7. I am involved in communities such as clubs or teams, church or spiritual groups, professional, cultural or social organizations.
8. Though I am sometimes alone, I don't often experience loneliness.

Esteem of Self and Esteem of Others

1. I feel competent and up to the rigors of day-to-day life.
2. I live with integrity and respect for myself.
3. I trust my opinions, my thoughts and ideas, and my intuition.
4. I have confidence in my abilities and myself.
5. My self-care includes physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual aspects of my life.
6. I feel useful and I make valuable contributions to others.
7. I experience feelings of independence and freedom.
8. I feel respected and appreciated by others.

Self-Actualization

1. I have a sense of living with purpose.
2. I am able to take risks and meet new challenges.
3. My need to be true to my own nature is being fulfilled.
4. I experience a feeling of peace and well being most of the time.
5. My deepest desires are being realized.

Having our needs met doesn't mean we begin at birth with the need for adequate food and shelter and move forward as we age until we fulfill our needs for self-actualization. Life is not lived in a straight line. Nor does being self-actualized mean everything is perfect. Rather this quiz offers checkpoints along the way of gratification and personal growth. If you have any questions about this quiz, or want more information, please don't hesitate to ask.

© 2002 Reeves Communications

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Old-fashioned melodramas featured hapless heroines who always seemed to find themselves being tied to a railroad track or evicted from home into a fierce storm as the villain twirled his oily moustache. Only a white-hatted hero or the cavalry could rescue them as they cried, "Woe is me!" Times of stress or a need to respond to fearful situations can stir up the victim in all of us.

Here's a Thriving quiz to help you see if you've been carrying around a victim mentality that may be robbing you of your sense of personal power. Answer true or false to the following statements.

1. My first response to a setback is to blame someone else for what's happened.
2. No matter what I do, things are not really going to change for me.
3. I often find myself beginning thoughts with phrases like "I can't…", "I'm no good at…", "I've never been able to…".
4. When things go wrong, I tend to beat myself up.
5. Sometimes I'm lucky, but when bad things happen they are because I mess up.
6. When angry, I rarely begin sentences with "I."
7. Conversations with friends are often about how hard my life is.
8. When friends offer advice, I usually counter it with a "Yes, but…" since they can't know how difficult my situation really is.
9. I spend a fair amount of my time thinking about past failures and mistakes.
10. Other people usually cause me to feel the way I do. I'd be more centered if it weren't for them.
11. I'm always so busy with work and the things I need to do to survive that I just don't have time to do things I want to do for myself.
12. I'd like to exercise more and eat in a healthier way, but I just can't right now.
13. If I weren't tied down to all these obligations, I could really do some of the things I always think about doing.
14. Someday I'll find a new partner who will really change my life. In the meantime, all I can do is hope.
15. I must have done something really horrible in a past life because nothing I do ever works out.
16. If only I had had more support, I could have…(fill in the blank.)

"Victimhood" is usually a way of staying stuck in old patterns and can be an externalizing way of dealing with unacknowledged anger or fear of change.

If you've answered true to more than a handful of these questions, chances are you'd benefit from a closer look at what's happening in your life right now. Feel free to call.

© 2002 Reeves Communications

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A few years ago comedian Flip Wilson created a character named Geraldine, who excused her outrageous behavior by claiming "the devil made me do it." Poor Geraldine was helpless and ineffective because she wouldn't take responsibility for herself. In his book, Grow Up! How Taking Responsibility Can Make You A Happy Adult, Dr. Frank Pittman wrote, "Finding the responsible thing to do is the lifelong quest for grown-ups." Take the following quiz to find out how well you take responsibility for yourself.

True or False?

1. I believe that my actions are the primary force in how I live my life, and that I am solely responsible for my actions.
2. When other people, events or circumstances affect my life, I am responsible for my reactions.
3. I take responsibility for my body and for my physical well being. I eat healthfully, exercise regularly and maintain good hygiene.
4. I may not always be able to select co-workers or team members, but I am responsible for the companions I choose and the company I keep.
5. What I say and how I say it is my responsibility. So is listening well.
6. I am responsible for my own emotions. Someone else doesn't "make" me feel a certain way.
7. My behavior with others is up to me. I'm responsible whether I go along with the crowd or remain passive in the face of actions or behaviors I don't agree with.
8. My personal happiness is my own responsibility. It's no one else's job to make me happy or to give me what I need or want to be happy.
9. Everything in life is a choice, and I take responsibility for mine. Both the good and the not so good. I also take responsibility for how I handle the results of my choices.
10. I accept responsibility for doing the right thing even though it may not always the easiest path.
11. I am responsible for choosing the values by which I live.
12. How I spend my time is up to me. Even though I may be required to work a certain number of hours or to be present at a specified time and place, the quality of my time is my responsibility.
13. I am responsible for how I use the earth's resources and realize that my decisions have implications that reach beyond the personal to the global.
14. I don't wait for someone else to make my life interesting. It's my responsibility to engage my curiosity, explore my intrigues, and follow my passions.
15. The manner in which I maintain my spiritual well being is my responsibility.
16. Self-responsibility includes seeking solutions when I have problems and asking for help when I need it.

Although self-responsibility may not always be easy, the results are empowering and life-affirming. If you have any questions or if you'd like to talk about your responses to this quiz, please call or email. Beth

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How to Tell if You Are "Too Busy"

Time is the great equalizer. Everybody gets the same amount: 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in an hour. We can't save time or accumulate or rearrange it. We can't turn it off or on. It can't be replaced.

But these days, it seems as if the lament of not having enough time has become a national anthem. Everywhere people find themselves constantly in a rush, over-booked and overscheduled with no time off. Life is accompanied by the ongoing stress of not enough time. And sometimes doing too much and being too busy can be a way of numbing feelings or disguising depression or anger. Though it may not always seem so, how we fill our time and how we spend it is our choice. Answer the following questions to discover if you're caught up in the "too-busy" cycle.

How Well Do You Manage Stress?

The impact of stress accumulates, and, beyond the ongoing, regular stress that comes from living in our high-impact culture, specific life events can really knock us for a loop. Even happy changes can cause bumps in the read, which we register both physically and emotionally. While we can't eliminate stress from our lives, we can learn where our hot spots are and how to best reduce and manage the stress we do experience.

Please answer true or false for the following questions:

1. I set the pace for the day by beginning with peaceful thinking either through reading an inspiring passage, saying a prayer or acknowledging the gift of a fresh, new day.
   
   
2. Throughout the day I live in the moment. I don't brood about a past event or fret about the future.
   
   
3. Each day I do something physical even if it's just a walk around the block or a 20-minute workout.
   
   
4. I eat healthfully and take the time to enjoy my meals. I set aside work, driving and other activities while I eat. No multi-tasking.
   
   
5. I think positively. I view problems as challenges and obstacles as opportunities.
   
   
6. I can say no when I need to.
   
   
7. I leave open time in my day for doing something spontaneous. Or doing nothing.
   
   
8. When I sense tension in my body, I practice progressive muscle relaxation, beginning with my face and moving down to my feet. I remember to breathe.
   
   
9. My daily "to-do" list contains only that which can be accomplished in a day-even if it's only part of a larger project.
   
   
10. I am willing to settle for "good enough." I don't make constant demands on myself to have the "-est" of anything (cleanest house, finest yard, best meals).
    
    
11. Throughout the day, I create peaceful images in my mind where I can retreat for a moment to rest and refill. A sunlit beach, a shady forest, a quiet stream.
    
    
12. When I am aware of feelings of anger, irritability, cynicism beginning to build, I replace them with thoughts of peace, hope, patience, and joy.
    
    
13. I use my time and energy to make changes where I can and accept the things I cannot change.
    
    
14. When I am able, I plan events that I know will cause stress (moving, giving a party, buying a new car) around times when less is going on (a quiet time at work, no pressing deadlines, no holidays in sight, etc.).
    
    
15. I use a journal not just to write about stressful events and problems, but also to express my thoughts and feelings.
    
    
16. I plan time off regularly. A weekend away. A long vacation. One day a month, just for me.
    
    
17. I talk to my friends and family about what's going on with me and when I need to, I seek guidance and counseling from professionals.
    
    

If you're going through an especially stressful time or experiencing difficulty dealing with stress in your life, don't hesitate to ask for help.

Are you a Tech Savvy E-Parent?

Use the following list to find out just how technology savvy you are as a parent. Simply answer "yes" or "no" to each of the following statements, then total your number of "yes" answers to determine your score.

Total number of "Yes" Answers:

1-2	= Barely technology savvy.
3-5	= Somewhat technology savvy.
6-8	= Very technology savvy.
9-10	= Remarkably technology savvy.

You may want to check out the "links" section to find web sites for parents and kids.Technology Tips For Parents is published by National Middle School Association. For more information please call 1.800.528.NMSA or write to them at: 4151 Executive Parkway, Westerville, Ohio 43081.

How Well Do You Cope With Change?

All change carries with it the risk of the unknown and the unexpected. Some find this exciting and welcome the challenge. Others go down the path of change reluctantly, dragging their heels all the way. But, as songwriter Johnny Rivers said, "The only thing that's permanent is change." A conscious, developed awareness of our response to change can help us develop better coping strategies. Answer the following questions to find out how you cope with change.

1. I hesitate to make a change until everything is 100 percent right.
   
   
2. I never make changes unless they are forced on me.
   
   
3. Generally, I look forward to change as exciting and challenging.
   
   
4. I'm the kind of person who has to be totally fed up before I'll make any changes.
   
   
5. When confronted with a change over which I have little control, I review the events and my behavior to determine if I could have done anything differently.
   
   
6. Rather than feeling responsible for negative changes that come out of nowhere, I take responsibility for my reaction to them.
   
   
7. I realize that sometimes even "good" changes have an underside that may bring unexpected problems.
   
   
8. I realize that a positive change in one area of my life won't smooth out all my problems.
   
   
9. When coming to terms with a major change in my life, I attempt to keep other changes to a minimum.
   
   
10. When a change or transition occurs, I review how I have handled other such events in my life for lessons on how to cope in this event.
    
    
11. I look for other people who have undergone similar changes as models for how I might better cope with the change in my life.
    
    
12. During a time of change, I ask for help and support from those close to me, reliable friends and outside professionals.
    
    
13. After a life change, I step back from the situation to get perspective and rest in order to regain a sense of balance.
    
    
14. I try to look at the "big picture" of the change, and acknowledge mixed feelings I might have.
    
    
15. Rather than blaming or feeling victimized, when I'm caught in a change over which I have no control, I "pick myself up, dust myself off" and continue to move forward.
    
    
16. I don't hold onto the "way things used to be," but instead move into "the way things are."
    
    
17. In order to make a necessary change, I am willing to risk the disapproval and lack of support from others.
    
    
18. When something positive happens for someone that might change our relationship, I don't let my own wants or needs get in the way of being supportive of that person.
    
    

If changes in your life are causing you difficulties, or if you need help in developing some skills to cope with change, don't hesitate to ask me.

How Healthy is Your Self-Esteem?

Of all the judgments we make in life, none is as important as the one we make on ourselves. Self-esteem is more than self-confidence; it is the belief in ourselves that says we have the right to be successful and happy. It is a feeling of being worthy and deserving of having our needs and wants fulfilled.

Self-esteem is not a gift bestowed by those outside ourselves or something that can be taken from us by others. It's an inside job. Take this quiz to find out how healthy your self-esteem is.

1. I have a right to honor my need and wants, to treat them as important.
   
   
2. Nobody has the power to determine how I will think and feel about myself.
   
   
3. I ask for help when I need it.
   
   
4. When I suffer some defeat or setback, I am able to rise again.
   
   
5. I will usually be liked and respected by the people I like and respect.
   
   
6. If someone I like doesn't return my feelings, I don't take it as a reflection of my personal worth.
   
   
7. I am worthy of happiness.
   
   
8. I take pleasure in being alive.
   
   
9. I can talk honestly about both my shortcomings and accomplishments.
   
   
10. I am able to accept criticism with openness and non-defensiveness.
    
    
11. I am able to give and receive compliments and expressions of appreciation.
    
    
12. I am open to and curious about new ideas, new experiences, and new possibilities in life.
    
    
13. I am able to laugh at myself and find the humor in life.
    
    
14. I am flexible and able to respond to life's challenges and situations.
    
    
15. I am able to speak my needs and wants and set boundaries where needed.
    
    
16. I am not intimidated or overwhelmed by feelings of anxiety or insecurity.
    
    
17. I have a right to make mistakes.
    
    
18. I do not pretend my convictions are different than they are to win approval.
    
    
19. No one has the right to force on me ideas and values I do not accept.
    
    
20. My happiness and self-realization are noble purposes.
    
    

If you answered true to most of the questions and think you might have too much self-esteem, don't worry. Saying you have too much self-esteem is like saying you have too powerful an immune system, or that your health is too good! If you have questions or want to talk about your response to this quiz, don't hesitate to call or send e-mail.

(Questions in this quiz were adapted from The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden.)

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How Well Do You Stay in the Present?

The way to live a full and rich life, to deepen our connections with others and to experience true intimacy is by staying in the present moment. Yet much of what we do and how we live takes us out of the present and ricochets us into some unknown future or drags us back into the mire of the past. Other times, we simply "space out," disconnect from where we are, whom we're with, and what we're doing.

The great spiritual teach Thich Nhat Hahn said mindfulness is to be present in the present moment. Take the following quiz to discover how much, and in what ways you detach from the present moment.

1. I have a tendency to live in the future, projecting into tomorrow, or next week or even years from now.
   
   
2. I spend much of my time thinking about the past, replaying conversations or reliving incidents or events, or I play "what if" in my mind.
   
   
3. Sometimes when I'm in conversation with someone, I can't remember what was just said.



4. When eating a meal, my family watches TV or videos or reads.



5. In talking with someone, I think of how I'm going to respond rather than listening to what the other person is saying.



6. I tend to worry.



7. I try to figure out how things work or what someone else will do.



8. I allow the telephone or pager to interrupt whatever I'm doing.



9. I often/frequently hope for something better or different.



10. I often/frequently dread something worse will happen.



11. I find myself always busy, with never an empty or spare moment.



12. When I am feeling uncomfortable in a situation, I change the subject or get up and move around, or get something to eat/drink/smoke/do.



13. In some situations, I find myself getting sleepy or yawning when I'm not really tired.



14. I find it difficult to maintain eye contact when I'm talking with someone.



15. Sometimes I can't remember what I just read or I don't know what just took place in the movie or video I'm watching.



16. When I'm with certain people, we talk about others (gossiping, discussing shortcomings or talking about their problems).



17. I take my cell phone everywhere and it's always on.



18. My conversations with others tend to be about superficial topics.



19. Rather than staying with my emotions and naming them ("I am feeling…"), I attempt to alter the feelings.



20. In my family or with my partner, we watch TV programs that we don't really care about rather than interact with each other.

Many of us feel a push-pull when it comes to intimacy. We want to be closer to others, but the vulnerability that it demands is too frightening. Or we may feel restless or distracted or just plain uncomfortable when we attempt to stay in the present. If you have any questions or you'd like to talk about your response to this quiz, please don't hesitate to call 509.665.8059.

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